Kathy Ireland, you need to go home and think about what you’ve done

March 8, 2010 at 7:01 am (Movies, Random Ramblings, TV)

So this is my Oscar run down.

First, did anyone see the ABC Red Carpet Special that was on right before the Oscars?  Kathy Ireland was PAINFUL.  She’s so wooden and stupid and she yelled at everyone she was interviewing.  She also kept doing this weird swaying, jerking thing with her body.  So incredibly awkward that it was kind of hilarious to watch.  When she interviewed Gabourey Sidibe I think she was so proud of herself for being able to say her name that she made sure to repeat it like 3 times.  This is exactly what she said to her at one point “we hear that you text the people close to you a lot, but for the rest of us Gabourey, what can you share with us?”  Like me, Gabby didn’t exactly know if there was a question there.  What can you share with us???  About what????  About texting???  Can you be more specific?  Gabby basically just said I don’t know a few times and then said she was really excited.   She then closed the interview with “we’re proud of you too, you’ve turned your genius into a dream come true”  Huh?  What does that mean?  She also said thank you about 4 times to Zac Efron because she didn’t know how to end the interview.  I think she didn’t know what to do once her carefully scripted questions were over because I don’t think she deviated from the script at all.  Just as I was pondering who at ABC thinks being on Dancing with the Stars qualifies someone to do interviews on the red carpet, my friend called me and asked  “Are you watching the red carpet?  How brutal is Kathy Ireland?”  We laughed pretty hard about how awful she was and wondered how she could do that on tv in front of so many people when she’s so bad.  In the end we decided that she needed to go home, watch herself and think about what she had done.  The whole pre-show was pretty bad, sigh, I miss E! Channel and Ryan Seacrest.     

Neil Patrick Harris!!!!!  I love him!!!  I always thought I loved him because of Doogie Howser, but I only recently started watching the past seasons of How I Met Your Mother and after seeing that show, I realize that I didn’t even know what love was because my love of NPH has been taken to a whole new level.  He is a genius!  

I thought that Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin were really, really funny.

The John Hughes tribute was great.  I love, love, love John Hughes.  Not only do his movies have great stories and characters,  they also have really kick-ass soundtracks.  His movies were such a part of my childhood and they are still among my favorites – my brothers and I still quote them on a regular basis.

James Taylor singing In My Life while they play the In Memoriam segment?  Um, tissue please.  First of all, one of the best songs ever written.  Second, I think James Taylor has one of the best voices ever.  His voice is like the first really warm day in spring when you open all the windows and everything just feels fresh and soothing and new.  J’adore. 

Yay Sandra Bullock – I love her.  Cute speech but Jesse James with tears in his eyes – um, tissue please.

I still don’t know how District 9 got nominated for Best Picture, I guess that’s what happens when you increase the nominees to 10 but I did not like that movie.  I get the whole parallel with what happened with apartheid in South Africa but I just didn’t really think it was that great.  Maybe it’s because I really never connected with the characters that I didn’t like it but I found at the end of the movie I didn’t really care what happened to any of them.  Not the worst movie I’ve ever seen that was nominated for an Oscar – that is still The Thin Red Line – if you haven’t seen that movie, don’t.  It’s terrible.  I saw it in the theatre and when it was over I was so angry that it had wasted my time.  I thought about leaving in the middle of it but kept thinking something was going to happen – nothing ever did.  I remember looking at my watch 30 mins into it and wondering when the hell the story was going to start.  I also remember about 3 times near the end of the movie the screen mercifully faded to black and we all thought it was over, only to have it continue on again.  People in the theatre actually groaned and started getting upset that it wouldn’t end.  One of the worst movies I’ve ever seen and it still incites rage in me when I talk about it.

The Hurt Locker wins Best Picture, I haven’t seen it yet.  It is sitting on my PVR right now because I planned to watch it this weekend before the Oscars and then somehow when it came time to watch it I decided I didn’t feel like a heavy movie and so I watched Whip It! instead.  Cute movie if you like Ellen Page, which I do, but I kind of wish I had rethought that one. 

Pretty boring Oscar show in all, although I guess they usually are.  I enjoyed the dancers a lot but I’m a sucker for a good dance number.  In the past I used to make an effort to see most of the nominated movies before the Oscars but I really didn’t see many of them this year, maybe that’s why I wasn’t all that into it.  For the record, I think Kate Winslet and Sandra Bullock both looked amazing!!

You know who else looked amazing, Sigourney Weaver!  Seriously, this woman is 60 years old.  I hope look that good at 50!

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Dancing with the Stars

October 20, 2009 at 7:51 pm (TV)

Playlist:

 Kings and Queens – 30 Seconds to Mars (still)

Hell – Tegan and Sara

Too Late – Dead by Sunrise

So I’m catching up with last night’s episode of Dancing with the Stars.  A couple of things… first of all, W.T.F. is up with Samantha Harris’ hair????  Seriously, what year is this???  I often wonder if hosts of shows like this have any say in their hair and makeup because, dude, you couldn’t pay me to go on tv looking like that!!!  I mean I don’t even like her, she is dumb as a post and completely useless on this show especially when Tom Bergeron is so awesome, but I still wouldn’t wish that hair on anyone.  She has gorgeous hair normally, I covet it.  But seriously, who did that to her?  THAT….. is not ok.  Check it out…

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Second, I hate Aaron Carter!  I mean, I hadn’t really given him much thought in the past except the few times I did ever hear about him or saw him I thought he seemed like a whiny little brat.  And now that I see him on DWTS – I think he seems like a whiny little brat.  When he makes those faces, I just want to punch him!  I read somewhere that there is a rumour that one of the reasons Karina and Maks broke up was because she was spending time with Aaron outside of the studio.  Oh Karina!  Hell no!!!  Please, please please do not go there.  You already dated the shirtless wonder that is Mario Lopez (I was and will always be a Zach girl, so Slater can suck it!) please don’t sink any lower and start dating Aaron effing Carter.  I hope that rumour isn’t true.  I hope he goes home this week I’m tired of him, but the judges apparently loved his tango – I found it creepy.

Next, I LOVE Kelly Osbourne!!  I’ve always had a soft spot for her and on this show I just love her.  She’s so adorable and seems to really be enjoying herself.  I love her cheeky attitude with her partner and just how excited she always seems when she’s done.  I totally knew the minute I saw the makeup on Louis that they were going to be dancing to an Ozzy song, he really does look like a short haired version of old school Ozzy.

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Kelly talked about how nervous she was dancing to one of her dad’s songs (it was Crazy Train fyi) with him there.  I just kept thinking about the poor dude who had to try to SING the song with Ozzy in the audience.  He even had to do the ALL ABOARD! at the beginning, which takes some balls to do that with the Oz man sitting right there. 
Most of the other dancers I could take or leave but I do love Louis and Chelsea and after this episode, I really think they are knocking boots.  They’re so cute, I hope they get married and have cute babies.  The chemistry is definitely there between them and last night they looked adorable.
 
The group dance was fun but there was all kinds of awkward going on with the lifts and tricks and stuff.  Not fluid at all, kind of a train wreck really, but still fun to watch.
One last note, I love that Tom Bergeron pointed out that Latoya Jackson was in the audience and mentioned that it was because there is going to be a special tribute to MJ on tonight’s results show.  That’s great Tom, except that doesn’t explain why she’s been in the audience for the past three weeks.  She’s become a permanent fixture.

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Bagpipes and Unfortunate Sonic Coincidences

September 18, 2009 at 10:10 pm (Music, Random Ramblings, TV)

So I just upgraded and now I’m able to insert mp3s into my blogs which will allow me to turn my playlist into – wait for it – an actual playlist.  If I get really ambitious I’ll update my older posts with this fancy new technology.

Playlist:

 

“I miss the thoughts that design and build your mind.”  ~ USS (Stranger to Myself)

First things first, the new Muse album came out this week and it is in a word – Awesomeness!!!  A couple of the songs are in the playlist.  Muse, you magnificent bastards, you’ve done it again!!!!

Second, I caught this episode of friends tonight and even though I know what is coming I still think this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.  The first time I saw this I nearly threw up I was laughing so hard.  Not just because Lisa Kudrow is AWESOME and totally rocks it but because you can see that Jennifer Aniston can’t keep it together behind her.  Please to enjoy….

And in light of the news that Coldplay “settled” their plagiarism lawsuit with Joe Satriani, this has always bugged me, ever since I first heard In My Place.  I don’t think it’s plagiarism exactly, it’s more like what Alan Cross (Toronto radio GOD) calls an unfortunate sonic coincidence, but it is a little suspect. 

Listen to the first 20 seconds of In My Place by Coldplay

Now listen to the first 20 seconds of Dreams Burn Down by Ride which came out about 12 years earlier

Very similar, no?

And even more troubling, I just found out that the archives of Alan Cross’s Ongoing History of New Music are no longer available to stream online due to copyright infringement.  WTF?  I admit, it’s been a few months since I listened to one but I always knew they were there waiting for me whenever I felt like tuning in.  Guess I’ll have to be more on the ball at catching him on the radio.  That sucks.  He needs to release those on CD, immeeds!!!

Can you tell I’m liking this mp3 thing?

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Black holes and revelations

August 30, 2009 at 11:48 am (Random Ramblings, TV)

Playlist ( the usual Sunday crossword music): 

  • Slowdive – Souvlaki 
  • My Bloody Valentine – Loveless

“The world is full of noise yeah, I hear it all the time”  ~ Slowdive (Dagger)

The Sunday crossword, 3 Sudokus and 1 Kakuro have been completed along with a couple of cups of coffee and some chocolate chip cookies – I love a lazy Sunday. 

Been going for walks and taking some pictures in Mt Pleasant cemetery lately – that place is so awesome.  It probably sounds weird but I could spend hours in there – it’s so peaceful and it’s HUGE, apparently there’s over 150 000 people buried in there, that’s……a lot.   There are some really cool crypts and monuments, particularly in the older section.  The Massey crypt is really impressive, it’s like a small castle – I guess that’s fitting for the family that is responsible for Massey Hall – one of the best venues to see a concert in Toronto.

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Watched an episode of Nova yesterday about black holes that featured a guy who totally reminds me of Doc Brown.  Man, that stuff will mess with your mind.  I love how even the scientists who study them can’t actually explain what they are, Einstein apparently didn’t really believe that they existed because he thought it was too ridiculous to think that nature would create something so outrageous.  The discussion about black holes was pretty interesting even if it’s hard to conceptualize.  But what I really have a hard time wrapping my head around is how big the universe actually is.  Our galaxy, the Milky Way has a supermassive black hole at the centre of it that is 3 million times the mass of the sun and millions of miles wide and that’s just the centre, the Milky Way itself is 100 000 light years across.  Now imagine that there are millions of other galaxies out there that are the same size or bigger than the Milky Way and those galaxies are millions if not billions of light years apart.  Holy.  Shit.  I think my brain just exploded.  We’re like a speck of dust in 100 Pacific oceans.  It kind of makes things like recessions and Octomoms and Paula Abdul returning to Idol seem a little insignificant in comparison.  If you’re not too embarrassed to go to a PBS website, the episode is available online.  It really is pretty cool, there is a neat demonstration of how gravity is caused by the warping of space around matter that sort of explains what a black hole is.  And yes, I’m a dork.      http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/blackhole/program.html

The Milky Way

The Milky Way

All that talk about black holes reminded me of a movie that came out in the late 90’s called Event Horizon about a spaceship that is capable of creating a black hole to move through space instantaneously, it disappears and turns up again 7 years later and no one knows where it’s been or what happened to the crew.  That movie …………….  was F*CKED!!!!  Seriously, I remember being completely speechless at the end of it because it was so messed up.  Like, MESSED.  UP.  Just WTF?  I hadn’t thought about that one in a while, with good reason.  Messed up.

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Tiaras and porn star names

August 4, 2009 at 11:51 pm (Random Ramblings, TV)

So there are a few things that I seem to have a strange interest in, I watch shows or read about them with a disturbed fascination and I can’t look away. One is large scale disasters, both natural and man made (Titanic, Chernobyl, tsunamis, volcanoes etc), the second is cults (Jonestown, FLDS, Heavens Gate, Scientology?) and third and perhaps most disturbing are child beauty pageants.  They are so wrong and so horrifying and soooooo creepy and yet I cannot turn away. I just can’t believe these people exist.  TLC has a show about them called Toddlers and Tiaras and I’m addicted.  I love that TLC completely edits the show in order to showcase just how insane these people are.  They’ll show a mom interviewing about how much her daughter loves getting her hair and makeup done and then cut to a shot of said girl screaming and crying while some crazy “pageant coach” (yeah, they have those) teases her hair like it’s 1985.

A new season started the other week and the first episode is probably the best one I’ve seen for pure, unadulterated crazy found in the southern US.  There’s a woman named Mickie Wood whose has a daughter named Eden, Eden Wood.  Say that out loud, Eden Wood.  Now say it a little faster.  Now add a southern drawl to it and she’s being introduced as Miss Eatin’ Wood.  Why why why would you name your daughter that unless you wanted her to end up in porn one day?  She’s on the fast track already by being in these pageants.  This mom is just the usual run of the mill pageant mom crazy, she admits to spending close to $70 000 so far on pageants, did I mention Eatin’ is only 4?  She is an only child and at one point her mom is telling us that when Eatin’ gets cranky she busts out two hand puppets named Billy Bob and Bobby Sue to amuse her, and when I say hand puppets I mean she literally just moves her hands and talks in different voices.  During an interview little Eatin’ says that Billy Bob and Bobby Sue are her best friends.  That is…..the saddest thing I’ve ever heard, find this child some living, breathing friends!  Eatin’ is a pro and wins top prize of Universal Grand Supreme for which she gets $1000 even though it probably cost $5000 just to be there.

Next up we have the Sterling family who have 5 daughters participating in the pageant but the show focuses mainly on the 6 year old twins AshLynn and BreAnne – god I hate names like that, from now on they are A and B – because they compete against each other and the mother so blantantly favours B  that it’s uncomfortable to watch.  She says at one point that B looks more like her mom and is the prettiest out of the 5 and that A has a bigger nose, translation, she’s the ugly one.  It’s really sad to watch the mother favour B so much especially when you see how sweet A is and how much of a spoiled brat B is.  It’s particularly apparent during the pageant when their father finally pulls B from the competition and takes her out because she’s being such an evil brat.  A ends up winning the Director’s Choice award which means she was the favorite of the pageant director because she was so well behaved and had such a good attitude.  It’s pretty much the only time her mother seems to notice her or cheer for her.  That poor girl is going to have serious self esteem issues when she’s older if her mother doesn’t get her shit together.  She is one serious bitch.

Last but not least we have Michelle, she is a special kind of lunatic.  Her two sons will be competing in the pageant, the first one is Cameron, he’s 7, totally adorable and seems to really like doing these things.  I think it’s a lot less prep time for the boys without the hair pieces and 20 tons of make up.  What launches her into the stratosphere of insanity is the fact that her other son that is competing is only two weeks old.  TWO. WEEKS. OLD.  She actually says with a straight face that Cavin (god these names) will “most likely be the youngest one there at the pageant”.  Ummm I certainly effing hope so cuz I don’t think they have a fetus category.  She then continues to ramble on about how she wants to see if he has the same interest and the stage presence etc.  He’s two weeks old, he can’t even see yet nevermind stage presence, he’s basically just a blob.  She does think that he’s going to be pretty outgoing but possibly a little more reserved than Cameron but she thinks “he’ll still want to get out there and meet people”.  I really want to believe she’s being facetious when she says this stuff but I truly don’t think she is, she is dead serious.  That woman needs help.  Cameron ends up winning his category and Cavin apparently does “really well” even though all he does is sit there in his mom’s arms the whole time.

I really just find it so hard to believe that people can take this crap so seriously and force their children to parade around in front of everyone made up like hookers.  And don’t even get me started on the bizarre dances and creepy faces and winks they make them do.  Frightening, and yet I can’t stop watching….

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